Pondering...

Last week, Ate Helen and the midwives asked to see a picture of my house. I live in a *really* nice house in a really nice neighborhood in a really nice part of town. In America, I have no problem showing people where I live or at least describing it.

However, when the ladies asked to see it, I instantly felt self conscious, almost ashamed. I felt the house was too much. These women and their families live in really small homes that would probably be considered "too" small at home.

Granted, my family has more members than most, but still, we are comfortable and happy and have room to spare. I absolutely love my home and can't wait to return in November, but my instant thought at the midwives' request was that it was over-the-top.

And when the midwives saw it, they instantly started gasping and exclaiming about how grand it was. As Ate Helen said, when she pretended to swoon (yes, she pretended to swoon. She's hilarious) "that's my dream house!"

And for them, it is a dream.

I don't feel ashamed of my house, but at the same time, I feel slightly embarrassed about how big it is compared to theirs.

There was another experience similar to that a few days ago. Ate Helen told me her shoe size and I replied, "oh! I wear that shoe size." so then we traded shoes for a few minutes. My flip-flops fit her perfectly. However, because her feet are *so* big compared to tiny Filipino feet, she can hardly ever find shoes. And the shoes she was wearing were too small for her.

That brought on another feeling of guilt as I instantly thought of the several pairs of good shoes in my closet. Compared to most American women, I don't have many shoes, but compared to Helen, I'm sure it would be a fortune.

Two instances of guilt. Because I'm a "rich" American. I have a nice house. I have money. I have shoes. I can't help but wonder why God gave me these experiences and why He made them stick out so much to me. However, I know one thing for certain - I will definitely value my house and shoes so much more after being out here.

Anyway, in one of my last posts, I promised a picture of the vacuum extraction baby's head. By the time I was able to take the picture, a lot of the swelling and crazy molding had gone down, but his head was still pretty funky.

the vacuum extraction baby

Love

this baby was Karissa's second COC so she was really happy

Ate Grace. She didn't realize I was actually taking this picture until the shutter clicked. Then she burst out laughing and cried, "Oh you shouldn't have done that! Hee hee hee! I can't believe you did that!" I love Ate Grace. :-D